Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Will you blow on my dice?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
