i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
