i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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