My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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