Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
