so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
