you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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