I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
