His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
