Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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