Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
