the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
