my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
