I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
