If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The air was thick with penises
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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