Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
