OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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