I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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