Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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