My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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