nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it's like heaven, but drunker
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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