Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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