How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
