So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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