Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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