im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
