dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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