Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
