I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
