It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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