JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
