so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
