I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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