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I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
