If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
