That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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