Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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