Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
