my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
