omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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