I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
God, I missed his penis.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
