She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
