11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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