I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
