Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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