I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
They are going to name an STD after you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
