guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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