her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
