so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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