I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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