put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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