Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
