You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
